Random Funny/Embarrassing Story

In second year University, I lived with in a 2 min walk of a bulk store. They had bins of every treat you could possibly want. It was about this time of year and I was trying to get my mini egg fix... They had a bin for that.

But, the bags were piddly. Not nearly big enough for the amount of eggs I wanted to purchase. However, buying more than one bag at a time seemed... excessive.
I was drooling  around the store one day and saw the mother load. A MASSIVE bag of mini eggs. I think it may have said 3 lbs?

I heaved the bag over my shoulder (okay, maybe that's an exaggeration) and hauled it toward the cash register. My turn came, to ring though my treasure. I was surprised to find that I was proud of my HUGE bag... not embarrassed as I perhaps should have been. Well, not until the cashier spoke up, "Those bags are not for sale. They're to fill the bins with."

An Update

I have surprisingly found a happy medium.

I do not gorge on goodies, mostly because they make me feel sort of gross now. I've been reading a book about how to live your longest life - your healthiest  life, and apparently white, refined sugar (read: candy and baked goods, chocolate...) is awful for you. Not just in the empty-calories sense, but for each and every cell in your body. This knowledge came just as I was finishing my experiment and it made me think twice about buying... well, shit.

I did buy a bag of jelly candies the first Friday night I was off the experiment. But I didn't wolf them down. I actually ate mindfully, slowly, and you know? they weren't actually that good.

Now yesterday was my birthday. I started off with 1000 calories of nutella spread thickly on tortilla shells. I call them nutella tortillas and they're really just a means of getting the nutella in my stomach in large quantities. So I ate that, and then felt awful. Then I ate birthday-cake brownies. Though I only had one, it was enough. Then birthday cake... by the end of the day I was just full and bloated and feeling gross.
I think I've finally learned my lesson because this morning, I did not have a brownie for breakfast!

Anyway. I just feel really good... I may update every now and then. But this is basically it. If you've read the blog and are thinking of trying my experiment. I say go for it. What have you got to loose?

back to normal

How many hands full of chocolate chips count as going over board?

Day 31!!!

I did it!

Well, technically tomorrow I can go back to my old ways...
Yesterday, all I could think of was : Day 30 Day 30 Day 30 - what am I going to eat on Tues?!?

It was a little disconcerting, because my mind just wanted to revert back to the habits of a sugar-fiend, only because  I could, and  not because I really wanted to. How can that make sense?!

So I decided that I'll ease in. And as today is sort of an in between day (do months have 30 days or 31?), I'm starting my ease-in today:

My toes are now wet. I have had 2 granola bars - equaling, probably 40 chocolate chips at the most, and the rest was healthy ingredients. That's all I will have today, and it was definitely sufficient. The chocolate chips tasted good - but not amazing. It was just like, "oh yeah, this taste." It was yummy, but I wouldn't want a whole bunch... Eating the granola bars was more pleasurable for the convenience. That says something, doesn't it? Maybe it's not really about the food at all - just that the easiest food to consume is the worst for me!

Well, I'm out of the habit of dessert 3 times a day. I'm out of the habit of having junk in the house and I'll keep it that way. This was a very interesting experiment... and when I look back on it, it has a healthy glow :)

Day 29

Baking was not a good idea.

Eating the dough and ingredients is such an innate habit that I swear my fingers had 10 little minds of their own. They kept picking up chocolate-chip-filled balls of dough and bringing them to my mouth...

Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration - but honestly, the whole process of baking just felt wrong. Like I was denying myself some ancient baker's right: to taste-test.
Well, I narrowly squeezed through the mixing part, but then the smells of baking oatmeal and chocolate wafted through the house, tormenting me with every inhalation of my nose. Sheer torture. I assure you.

And NOW - I have 2 containers full of chewy, chocolaty, granola bars on my counter, which I see every time I walk into the kitchen.

I keep trying to convince myself that it's okay to just have one. The chocolate is really the only off-limits thing and one bar would have, what? 10 chips in it at most? How could that be wrong? And I've come this far in the experiment... it's time to start being more flexible, one granola bar won't hurt... would it even count? I mean, come on. 29 days and one granola bar? Please.

Thankfully, there is something inside my head telling me two things - 1. if you give up now, you'll be way more pissed at yourself than the granola bar is worth. And 2. you can NEVER have just one. You'd eat one, then think, f#^* it, you've cheated now - might as well make it worth your while and then before I'd know it, the granola bars would be nothing more than an uncomfortable mass in my belly. NOT worth it.

2 more days. The granola bars will still be there.

Day 28

I'm putting myself to the test today...
So far, I've avoided being around anything remotely tempting (apart from my husbands chocolate bar -  he keeps it on top of the fridge and eats a few squares every night). But this afternoon there's a party that I will attend, which will undoubtedly have sweets galore. I'm already rallying the troops to put up my best defenses. 

Also, I miss baking. A lot. I love baking; the ingredients, the mixing, the smell of something in the oven! So today I'm going to make my husband some granola bars. I found a delicious recipe that is really easy, and with fall in the air, it just seems like today is the perfect day.

It's going to be really weird though. I don't think I've ever baked and abstained from tasting the dough/ingredients along the way. A month ago, I would've said "it can't be done". But I am a new woman, and I will face the kitchen with confidence.
I really don't even feel like I want anything anyway... at least not at this very moment.

Day 27

I just had a walk with my girlfriend and she asked about how my month was going.
I gave her the condensed version of my blog, closing with the fact that I (surprisingly) don't feel any different. I don't feel much healthier, nor have I noticed changes in my energy levels. Physically, I'm the same.
I'd attribute this to always having eaten my veggies - I've always loved healthy food, it's just that I had sweets on top of that. It's not like I've switched from a diet of all fried, fatty food to an all fruit and veggie diet...

Then she wondered if, when I go back to eating treats, if I'll notice a change then. I don't notice the absence of it now, but when I reintroduce jelly beans and nutella to my diet, maybe it'll just make me feel gross.
It's a nice thought. I can eat treats, but I won't want to because they make me feel yucky. That would be the best possible outcome of this experiment.

We'll see... only a few days left!

Day 26

I keep vacillating between two things:

one

Wanting to celebrate the end of this experiment, with a 31 day-long junk-food fest. Balance it out, you know... what you do to one, you must do to the other, right?

two
Then, when I'm not dreaming about a self-indulgent sugar orgy, I want to maintain this new lifestyle. I mean, I've already gone (or will have gone) 31 days without any junk or white sugar, candy, chocolate or baked goods. And I mean, damn. That's impressive, for me. Yet, so easily broken. One cookie or one jelly bean and I'll be back to square one.

So those are my two fantasies, duking it out: either be the healthiest woman in the world, or the unhealthiest. Can I really not find a gray area?...  This is exactly why I did this experiment in the first place.

Day 25

I have a fear:

I used to be able to eat an infinite amount of junk food (practically) without succumbing to any obvious adverse side-effects. I'm thinking  particularly about stomach aches - as in, I didn't get them. I could eat anyone under the table. Sweet tooth, insatiable.

But what if I've screwed around with my natural body rhythms and metabolism? what if...I'm super sugar-sensitive? What if I eat half a chocolate bar and my tum starts to hurt? Or I get jittery after a handful of jelly beans?!

These scenarios are possible. Worse that that! They're plausable!

Oh god, what have I done? What. Have. I. Done.

Day 24

It's really just become a countdown.

Today I was at the grocery store with my husband, I turned to him and said (and I quote): "Day 24... I'm planning a feast."
He knew right away I didn't mean a feast for dinner tonight - but a shmorgasbord of sweet delights to celebrate the end of my month-long sugar celebacy.
Sure, there were moments, in the middle of the month, where I was in a sugar-deprivation delirium... thinking that I may actually want to continue this experiment. Or at least, not fall off the wagon at the stroke of midnight.

Now? I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My head is clear and I know I have only a few more days to suffer through.

Day 23

I keep thinking that there's only one week left. Then I check myself  - 8 days. Stupid August and it's 31... I should've picked February.

I want a brownie

Day 22

I woke up with the worst sense of guilt this morning. I had just had an incredibly realistic dream... I was walking through the grocery store, pushing the cart with one hand and shoveling jelly beans in my mouth with the other - even the black ones, which I hate! Just handful after handful, before my mouth was even empty, more went in. And they were so cheek-sucking sweet! All the fake-fruit flavours mixed together in my mouth. It was heaven.
Then, upon waking, I was filled with a sense of dread... I had cheated on my experiment and I had the jelly beans stuck between my teeth to prove it. Slowly, it dawned on me that it had been a dream. My heavy heart then inflated to a light balloon bobbing in my chest - what a fantastic, realistic, jelly-bean dream! I cheated without the guilt!

I have found the loophole!

Day 21

Holy Cannoli! I let day 20 go by without a post. A sign that this truly has become a lifestyle, no?
Well, perhaps - yesterday I just couldn't get enough to eat. You know those days? I didn't eat junk food, but if I could have... The truth is, by the end of the day, I was finally so stuffed, and a little disgusted, I didn't want to even think about food, much less write about it.

So I've saved my savoury thoughts an extra 24 hours; kept you on the edges of your seats I'm sure. What words of wisdom will Kiwi impart, on this, the 21st day of her experiment?
Sorry to disappoint. But I'm kind of just plugging along.

I don't really want the month to be over. I suppose that's a bit of a surprise. Again, my fears of suffocating in doughnuts and gummy bears once the month is over, are resurfacing. I really don't want to go back to my old habits. I'm quite happy as I am but I'm not sure how to keep this up indefinitely? Or if that's even healthy?
I suppose I should finish the month and then relax. Know that I"m capable of going this long without sweets. Know that I've grown up a little and made some mature choices - silenced the 5 year old chocolate fiend inside me - and just trust that I've finally developed some self-restraint. And if not... I'll find that out the hard way, and I just might be back to Day 1. But for now, I'm at Day 21 and going strong.

There's hope for me yet.

Day 19

I've been thinking about what to do after this experiment is over.
It seems a shame to retire AMonthWithoutCandy.blogspot.com. And to be honest, I'm quite enjoying sharing all my intimate/embarrassing thoughts with the three people who've read my blog...

After all is said and done, this has become of a bit of an Oprah moment - my experiment on how to live my best life. So far, I've given up candy... and done it with a smile on my face, none-the-less. So, what's next? What will my follow-up experiment entail? I already exercise and do my best to be environmentally friendly. I was going to give up TV for a month, but my husband pointed out that wouldn't be much of a sacrifice because I don't watch that much (it's not like, say, giving up sugar for heaven's sake!)

I've been mulling it over...I think I will  read a news article every day, and actually try to understand it. The goal here being to improve my intellect re: social and political issues. I usually find the news boring, depressing and unbelievably frustrating, and my brain automatically starts to daydream or  turns to something else after a few moments, so me thinks it a worthy aspiration.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. It's only Day 19.

Day 18

Two things:

First - I haven't had a zit or pimple since starting this experiment... my skin has been as clear as it has ever been (since puberty - which luckily for me didn't hit til I was 14). So I'm not implying that
no white sugar = creamy, unblemished skin... I'm merely vocalizing an observation.

Secondly - I just walked into the kitchen, thinking I would love to pour maple syrup on something and then eat it. I am totally full, by the way - I just had a mid-afternoon snack of vanilla yogurt with sliced almonds and craisins, (which was delish). So then I asked myself, why would you like to pour maple syrup over something and eat it? You're not hungry.  Then my body said to me, no you idiot. I'm thirsty, but you only respond to food cravings. 

It's true and I don't know why... I'll ignore thirst for hours if it means I have to pause what I'm doing. But as soon as I get the slightest inkling of hunger, I become a knight in chocolate armor, off to rescue a starving maiden... How long has this been going on? Out of all the millions of times I've eaten and eaten, how often did I just need a glass of freaking water?!?

I feel stupid.

Day 17

Today, for some reason, I feel like the experiment is almost over. Maybe because I'm over the hump, and now at day 17, I practically have only 10 days left... and 10 days is really nothing.

I have to admit, I'm sort of sad. I guess I've just been proud of myself for doing this, because I didn't know if I really could. It was a small change, but with a big impact - I'm as healthy as I've ever been. My time is not wasted mulling over what treat to have and when I'll get my next fix. I focus only on healthy food.
I never get the guilty feeling that I normally do after I eat lots of treats, and what I've realized, is that the cravings really go do away. I think about how a cookie would be good, or an ice cream cone or a chocolate bar, or ju jubes (I think they're Canadian) or... but I think about it for like 5 seconds, and then I don't. I don't actually die, if I don't eat it! Imagine that.

So, I guess I'm just anxious about what will happen when my month is up. How do I continue on this path but still have treats? Because, for me, as soon as I have one, it's over.

Running

I just found this! I wrote it in the very early stages of my experiment but never posted it.

Enjoy!


I'm running. Well, I'll be honest, it's 90 degrees at 5:00 in the afternoon... I'm trotting at best.
My brand new running shoes give me what little pep in my step I have. The sweat is dripping, and my face is an unattractive shade of red. All of this I am used to, as it comes with the territory of exercising in the South. I jog much less in the summer, as the heat offers a fail-safe excuse. But it's been days and I'm feeling sorta... jiggly. And antsy.

So I'm trotting. Usually I can manage 40 mins in the suffocating inferno. I wonder if it's better to sprint to the shadows of the trees, then slow to an inch-worm pace under their protection, continually speeding up and slowing down, or if that actually makes it worse. I can't decide. But for the first 15 mins I feel good. Dare I say, sexy, even? It's gotta be the shoes. But then, I get a bit of cramping. I breathe in and out, focus on something else, tell myself it will go away.

It doesn't. It persists and I'm perplexed. I never get stomach aches. Is it the heat? Did I not drink enough?
Then... it hits me. I have not had sugar in 36 hours and my body is pissed. It is the only logical explanation. I am having sugar-detox cramps.

I walk home, unimpressed.

Day 16

Is there ever, really a good time to do an experiment like this?

I walked around the Art Fair today. It's an annual weekend shindig, where artists take over the park by my house and sell their wares. There's a fabulous carnival-feel to the atmosphere, complete with all the sugary sweets. And knowing that it was all off limits made me a little bit frustrated and I couldn't help but think, summer is not a good time for this experiment - fairs, carnivals, peak ice-cream season. No, summer is no good.
But the other months really aren't the best either:

September - my birthday
October - need I say more?
November - so dreary that you just have to have colourful candy in your day
December - Christmas
January - hot chocolate and marshmallows, stirred with candy canes
February - Valentines Day
March - my husbands birthday and Spring Break (free reign of vacations is a necessity)
April - Easter
May - back into the hot summer weather


*sigh* Oh well. I'm half over so I won't stop now.

Day 15

For the week leading  up to Day 15, I've been a little anxious. Thinking that it's the half-way point, I should be celebrating somehow. But the usual way I celebrate is by eating treats...you see my dilemma.

Fortunately, I was invited to a cocktail party where, between the chocolate chip cookies and chocolate covered pretzels, there were lots of healthy and delicious snacks and thirst-quenching cocktails. So I celebrated successfully, without sabotaging the experiment.

Technically, I'm now at the peak, which means it's all downhill from here?

Day 13

Brush your teeth twice.

At Halloween, Easter, Christmas, birthday parties... whenever we got to eat an astonishing amount of junk food, my mom said, "you'll have to brush your teeth twice tonight." When I was little, (1) the word of mom was law and (2) everything was taken in the literal sense.

So much so, that on these fine occasions, when I'd undoubtedly have gummies lodged in my eye teeth and sugar coating every one of my pearly whites, I would  literally brush my teeth two times. Brush. Spit. Rinse. Then do something else, like pee. And then brush again!

Mom continued saying this until I left home and started my pure-sugar diet in University. Now when I'm picking jelly beans and sweedish berries out of my teeth, I hear her voice and wonder, why didn't she just make us floss? However, now that I'm not eating any candy or junk food, I feel like I could practically skip brushing!

Ew. That was a joke.

Day 12

My sister made peanut butter (and I think chocolate chip) cookies the other day.

My family loves to bake... one of the reasons there was always a plethora of cookies and squares in my house, growing up.
I too, have the Betty Crocker urge, but have been suppressing it over the last two weeks because it would just be too painful. First, the pouring over delicious recipes that you know will turn out tasting like heaven because they're made from pieces of chocolate, sugar, butter, cream...Secondly, I simply cannot bake without tasting the dough along the way. It's humanly impossible.
Then, there's the smell of baked goods! My God, the smell. It doesn't get more tantalizing than the aroma of chocolate chip cookies just out of the oven.

Finally. I would have to face these decadent baked goods for another two weeks, and I'm just not that strong. Instead, I dream about what I will bake when this month of hell is over.
And at this point it time, it seems I will be starting another 3 week candy binge when this is done.  It's like I can't wait to get out of rehab and get to my dealer.

Day 12. Good riddance.

Day 11

There’s a Caramilk in the fridge.

We brought it back from Canada, (I ate mine on the way) because we can’t get Caramilks here and my husband put his in the fridge for later (as in October, half way between our last visit home and our next.) What?! Is he freaking crazy?!

For those of you who don’t know, a Caramilk is a chocolate bar, which consists of milk chocolate pillows that protect golden, flowing caramel centres. Any way you eat it (shove it all in, let each square melt in your mouth one-at-a-time, or melted between graham crackers and marshmallows) they are scrumptious. Pure ambrosia. They used to be my favourite chocolate bar when I was little. About once a month, we were allowed to have a real treat. Not just a piece of sugarless gum , or fruit leather…. But a chocolate bar. I always either got a Mars or a Caramilk, and then tried to make it last as long as possible.

Now. There is a Caramilk in the fridge. Every time  I open my fridge it’s there, staring at me, taunting me with it’s milky chocolate and cool caramel centre.

I just thought you should know all of the tortures I endure on a daily basis.

Day 10!!

Today. Hardest day so far.

Lemme just say, that if I were in a stressful situation right now, this Month Without Candy experiment, it's safe to say, would be down the garbage disposal (apparently spell check doesn't recognize the word garberator).
Today I bought a keyboard. Something I've always wanted, since moving out of my parents house 10 years ago. I'm not a good piano player at all, but I want to be. I love the sound and the thought of being able to sit down and make beautiful music... I know it's something I will stick with, so that's my early birthday present.
But as an unemployed writer, who has limited space in her apartment, and a tendency to feel claustrophobic in a messy/cluttered space, I sort of freaked out this afternoon when I actually got the full-sized, 88-key monstrosity home. In the one place I had cleared for it, where in my mind it fit seamlessly, nestled beside the couch, fading into the background of the rest of the living room, it is now an electric eye sore. It gives the room an 80's feel, making me want to perm my hair (again), and don a polyester jumpsuit. Worst part... it made me want candy. No. NEED candy. This is when I gorge. Thank GOD I didn't have any in the immediate vicinity or I would have lost it, big time.

So I ate healthy stuff (albeit, more than my appetite was encouraging) which I realized was giving me time to think about my predicament. I have decided to wait it out. Play the piano (which I actually really want to keep), and see if I can't figure out something to do about the 80's vibe now percolating into every room of the house. *shiver*

The main thing is - I didn't cheat and it's apparent I eat when stressed. Big surprise.

Day Nine

I've discovered the secret.

Usually, when I have a treat, I'm having it because there's a train of thought that I go through, sometimes fast, sometimes slowly. This is what it sounds like leaving the station:


I feel like something sweet.
What do I want?
Mmmmm. Chocolate chip cookies. 
They would be so good right now. 
Chewy and soft, and so sweet. With lots of chocolate chips. 
5. I want 5. That will satisfy me...
With a glass of milk, maybe. 
yeah! Oh, this is going to be soooo good. I
I can't wait to get my teeth into those cookies. 
Mmmmmm. They smell so good.
(Bite). Oh yeah. Perfect.


It's a bit of a mating dance. I think about it, fantasize how I'll eat it, and with what, how many times. Then the act is wonderful... then it's over in a few minutes and I'm on to my next reverie. Though, hopefully the cookies from the first will hold me over at least a few more hours, it's not always the case.

What I've realized is... I can nip this conversation in the bud - before I get to the dreaming part.
I feel like something sweet.
What will you have, my dear? 
Your options are fruit or... fruit.

Fantasy Denied.

Day Eight

I love Saturday nights. Every so often, I go out drinking/dancing with friends, but mostly, Saturday nights consist of a movie and junk food. A bag of jelly beans and a plate of cookies. Or a chocolate bar and s'mores. I admit it, there's always a few treats to choose from at the beginning of the movie, and an empty table by bed time. What? It's Saturday.


So. Day Eight.
We (my husband and I) are settling in to watch Pillars of the Earth (one of my favourite books, has become an 8-part? mini series that we can get on instant Netflix. Ah... the evolution of watching movies!) Dinner is over, which means it's time to bring out the Saturday-night-dessert smorgasbord. But...There isn't one. There is, however, the Willy Wonka chocolate bar I bought a few days earlier - thank you foresight! My husband admires the purple, cellophane package, inspecting the promoted contest and asks how we know if we win.
"Our golden ticket will be inside," I'm positive we are winners.

Surprisingly enough, our golden ticket has remained elusive. But there's a purple ticket... We've won more chocolate! I lean over to look at the ticket and accidentally get a whiff of the decadence. It's dark chocolate and the smell is an intoxicating mix of bitter cocoa and sweet... something. (I'm reminded of those solid chocolate bunnies I used to get at Easter, and eat until my stomach ached.) It is tantalizing and my taste buds water in anticipation.

"That smells sooo good," I sigh.
"Be strong!" he replies, popping a chocolate square in his mouth. His murmurs of pleasure are uncharacteristically loud. Thanks, honey. I reach for a piece of gum, sugarless.

Day Seven

I think of Jelly Beans. I dream of Jelly Beans. I wistfully gaze at the Jelly Beans dancing around my head...
I mean,  the old  me does that.

No, I'll be honest. It's not the same, sitting down with my book without a big bowl of plump and juicy, crayon-coloured beans. They even look delicious! No wonder Jack traded a cow for a bag of them...Yes! Didn't you know? Jack's beans were actually Jelly Beans! They were magic, after all.

But, I have found  a replacement: Grapes.
Yep. You heard it here first.

Grapes are the new Jelly Beans.

And in honour of grapes. This remaining post will be in purple - the colour of my new favourite jelly beans snack.

I don't know when grapes are in season, but if I had to take a guess, I would say right now. I have almost been through 2 bags of grapes in the last week and I sense no sign of slowing down. The crisp, cool globes just burst with sweet juicy flavour on every satisfying crunch. And the ease at which I pop them into my mouth seems vaguely familiar...

I think it's safe to say I still have a sweet tooth, but these grapes are surprisingly satisfying.

Day Six

(Yesterday).

It's not that I purposely forgot to write on the exact day, to avoid my shamed feelings of having fallen off the wagon into Candy Land. Actually, I think it's because this experiment is working so well that it's starting to feel natural...
For example, yesterday I needed a snack. (I had thought desserts would be my nemesis, but it's the fearsome snack time!) Anyway this is how it went:

Looking in the fridge, there's lots of fruit, which I've been gorging on. Some left overs that I don't feel like, yogurt... I'd really just like some candy, but I think (in my mom's voice) If you're really hungry for a cookie, you're hungry for real food too. After 28 years, this finally makes sense.
So I make a big salad. Buttery avocado, crunchy carrots, sweet tomatoes, salty soy beans and Newman's Garlic and Parmesan dressing (my favourite), all tossed in fresh, green leafy lettuce! It is scrumptious! And after, I am totally satiated, satisfied and quite proud of myself. For less calories than my usual serving of 5 cookies, I've stuffed in lots of nutrition and it was still really tasty.

Okay, so I still think about the sweet treats, but maybe because they're just so easy and readily available. Open the bag, stick in your hand and you're mindlessly eating sugar in 2 seconds flat. Instant gratification... hard to beat in the moment, but so worth it!

Day Five

I'm feeling a little frustrated today. Not all the time, but just that I'd like one little sweet treat.

I bought a Willy Wonka chocolate bar for my husband (and I know it has the winning Golden ticket inside)... He'll be able to have a few squares for dessert and then put away the rest for tomorrow night. Normally, I can't eat just a square or two... but today, that's all I want. Just one square of the dark chocolate (with a milk chocolate nugget in the centre) to sit on my tongue and melt under the heat of my mouth, succumb to the moistness of my saliva. Going from a solid little decadent square to a molten pool of chocolatey heaven... Does that sound like something a jonesing addict would say?

But really! I think a square would be sufficient. I don't feel deprived at all, I'm never hungry during this experiment. It's just a little taste that I want.

GOD PLEASE! JUST ONE TINY LITTLE PIECE!! (ha! don't worry, I'm joking :)
Day Five is in the bag.

Day Four

"What's for dessert?"

That's the question I got from my husband last night. Usually, there's a plethora to choose from... Ice cream, chocolate bars, or some squares or cookies I've baked. But last night, not so much.
I'd been so intent on my own experiment, that I hadn't really thought about him. My husband didn't sign up for A Month Without Candy! That was all me.

So today I went to the grocery store where they sell German chocolate cake by the slice, which I happen to know, is my husband's favourite! Sure, I was thinking I'd love a bite... but I'm surprisingly not tempted. I know that how awful I would feel about cheating on the experiment would heavily outweigh the deliciousness of the moist, chocolatey cake with layers of caramel and topped with nuts.

This makes me wonder. Usually I feel sort of guilty if I indulge a lot, but it never seems to be enough of a deterrent to change my actions. Therefore, perhaps, I'm never really that  guilty... Maybe I don't really care that much? I'm just not sure. Right now, I feel like I'd be letting myself down, big time. But why don't I ever feel that when I plan to not eat 8 cookies, but then do?

Hmmmm. I'm stumped.

Day Three

Automatic Habit.
Today I missed candy. Not in the sitting-on-the-couch-craving kind of way, but I'd automatically reach for it when it was around.
Sugar for my coffee was the first thing. I almost picked it up. My hand was dangerously close before I remembered that it was off limits. Then at the bank, they always have baskets full of lollipops up at the teller. (I wonder if they hate that, the tellers? People always smacking and slurping, licking and salivating all over the suckers while they're trying to pay bills or find out where all their money went.

Then I needed a snack in the afternoon and began to think of all the tasty things I could make with nutella. My version of Rice Krispies is the bomb: Put marshmellows, rice krispies and nutella in a microwavable bowl (play with the ratios to suit your taste). Nuke it for 10-15 seconds, stir and devour. It's a sticky mess, but man is it worth it!
Alas, what does one eat when treats are erased from the menu?!

I've been having fruit. Actually, my apple and peanut butter today was really yummy. But it was hard to eat because I was trying to read, cut the apple and dip it into peanut butter all at the same time. Plus... it was a library book. So I was using my left hand to hold the book open, and do the rest with my right hand. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't worried about the book - but the germs on library books really freak me out! I swear I can feel the grime on my hands after I've held or touched one. It's funny though, because that sensation seems to go away the longer the book is in my possession. As if I have less goobs than everyone else! Ha.

Anyway. I've come to the conclusion that I need snack ideas. Easily munch-able somethings that I can pop in my mouth as I go about my day. So... ideas. Anyone?

Day Two

9:30 AM
I wake slowly with the sensation of suntanning - the point where the sun is burning orange behind your eyelids and sweat pools in your belly button. In the mornings, my bedroom is a sauna!
I groggily toss the cover off my legs and roll over, willing my dream to continue - I was at the candy store in Las Vegas, called Sugar. I've never actually been there before, but my husband was recently at a bachelor party in Vegas, and came back with a tee-shirt for me that says "I (heart) sugar". He said it is what my heaven would be - walls full of every imaginable kind of candy.

And so Day two begins.
It's not that it's been hard yet... just different. At the Home Depot check-out, usually I peruse the shelves of chocolate bars and gummies as I wait, but today when I glanced at it, it was just the disappointing recognition that I can't have that. Similar to when I drive past a Porsche dealership. It's not that it's terrible... just life.

Day One

Well. So far so good :)

My coffee actually tasted fine today, without any sugar. Perhaps because I had nothing else that was super sweet to compare it to? Or... I maybe put in extra cream? That could be possible. Half and half, though, don't worry.

Yes. Well. The day came and went and I was busy. Returning after a three week vacation, as you can imagine, is not that relaxing. I came home to brown plants, a pile of mail and bills, no groceries, loads of laundry and, spider webs everywhere? Sorta made me feel like a good housewife, because usually there are only one or two cobwebs hiding shiftily, in far off nooks and dark crannies. But coming up our curved, wooden staircase last night? Three threaded homes with the crafty little buggers sitting right there, out in the open, ballsy as can be!

Apart from my spider wars/woes, there's the usual overwhelming sensation I get every time I return from somewhere and have to unpack everything: I (we) have too much stuff! Too much junk! Get rid of it all! There's no space in this house! I can't breath in all this clutter! I may or may not carry on in this fashion for a while. Suffice it to say, I spend my first day back cleaning and getting rid of as much "junk" as my husband will let me... I didn't get far this time because he claims that I've thrown out/given away everything but the necessities. I disagree but stop short of tossing his collection of electrical switches and old computer cords. A wife must know how to pick her battles.

Anyway. I suppose this is my long winded way of saying that I was much too busy today to feel the shakes from my sugar deprivation. So, one day down and going strong.

Candy Floss

Candy Floss, Cotton Candy... that whipped sugar and airy colour, sweet enough to make your teeth ache just looking at it. Well, that's what I'm eating right now.

But, the good thing is, I was at the Carnival last night. You know what that means? I did not eat it all in one go! I've been picking at it all day. On and off. Nabbing some when I feel like a sweet, then stopping when I get the sugar jitters. Okay, that sounds worse than it is. What I'm trying to say is that I stop when I feel the effects of it, when I know I've had enough. This, rather than just keep eating it.


So anyway... I'm listening to my body. A big step. And I am venturing to say that because my body has now had (1 day shy of) three weeks of this over-indulgence, maybe it's relaxing and thinking eat only what you need, it's not going anywhere. Too full now? You can eat it later. This is a far cry from the usual insistence I get from my brain (or body?) - "Must. Devour. Instantly!"
This had me further wondering if I should not do my Month Without Candy because I am essentially depriving myself for a month and, following logic, am just setting myself up for another crazy three week binge when I'm done.

But then I get a hold of myself and think, don't wimp out now. You always eat sweets, this is nothing new. Both my brain and body know they get it whenever they desire and it's time to stick to your guns and try this experiment. If nothing else, it'll be a tale I survive to tell my grandchildren. At best? I don't know... I don't crave sugar constantly and I learn to be satisfied with one dessert a day, I'll be healthier and have more stable sugar levels. Yeah. It's worth a shot.


Oh! But I'll be in the car tomorrow, for my last day of sugar. So I won't be online, but starting Saturday, it's Day One and I hope you follow my woes and triumphs - I promise not to sugar coat anything! Wish me luck!

Peanut Butter

Something happened this morning that rarely does:

I was making breakfast for my husband. Yes, that in itself is unusual, but that's not it... I was making toast. Thinking of my regular nutella gobs. But I made my husbands first. He wanted peanut butter only on his slices of rye. As I was spreading it on, I started to think, "this looks really good. Maybe I want peanut butter and jam instead of nutella". As I considered that, something else inside me was saying, "what? Peanut butter over nutella?! You're nuts... You know, you are only going to be able to have nutella for a few days, so you should while you can!" I vascillated back and forth. Healthy or sweet? But then it just came down to what I really felt like eating. Why force myself to eat nutella, just because I can, because I'm "allowed"? So. I had peanut butter and a bit of jam and I'm enjoying it right now as I type.

This little episode has made me learn something though. I grew up in a family where sugary treats were few and far between. So I quickly learned to gorge myself when they were available and when it was allowed. That mentality has stayed with me. The problem is - as an adult, I can do whatever I want. And I sort of have been. Eeek!
But I think I'm now starting to listen to my body, not my younger self saying "eat the chocolate for breakfast!"
A new leaf has been turned? We'll see.

NOT A DIET

I feel like now is the time, to reiterate for that one person reading this blog, that this is not a diet. I am not doing this to loose weight or deprive myself of life's sweet and tasty pleasures.

So, why am I doing this?
Two fold, I suppose:
Firstly. I just really needed to know that after my 3 weeks of intense indulgence, there would be a grace period where I could resume normal eating and not have my day focused around cakes, sweets, and all other kinds of junk food.

Secondly. I'd really like to know what it's like to not have sugar in my life. I like to try different things and at 28, I've never really been able to say no to anything remotely delicious. In the words of Oscar Wilde "I can resist anything except temptation". So I thought, why not just give this a try? One week didn't seem long enough to actually get over the cravings and two weeks didn't seem like trying a new life-style, more just gritting my teeth until the end. I think a month will be a reasonable amount of time to get sugar out of my system and to really attempt a different lifestyle.

I don't honestly think I will ever completely cut out sweets, and nor do I want to. But I'd like to be able to say no, if I'm full. To look at them a little differently, and know that I truly don't need that ice cream cone. So, this experiment is just to see what happens to me when it's just not an option.

So there.

Hit my Limit?

Today I was okay. (Read: I did not stuff myself to sickness). I often passed the candy station without indulging in a handful. I only ate a few goodies and even then it was purposeful, not mindless, like usual :)

It's making me wonder: Have I finally hit the point where I've just eaten too much for too long and have finally found my limit? Or am I unconsciously winding down in preparation for my experiment. I mean, now that I have a set start date, maybe my body is getting ready. My mind is steeling itself, saying "this won't be so hard."

I'm not sure what's happening...We'll see what goes down (or not) tomorrow!

Are they trying to kill me? No, seriously.

Couldn't a huge amount of sugar knock you off? Or put you in a sugar coma? At the very least, I'm tempting diabetes to rush in and take over because apparently, my satiation button isn't working and I always find room to stuff in a goodie or two.


Evidence:
I was doing well this morning. Less sugar in my coffee than usual. I can tell because I didn't have that film that coats my teeth like a fuzzy sweater, afterwards. Bravo! I congratulate myself, deciding not to notice how rancid the coffee actually tasted without it.

I make it through the morning with only a few hands full of jelly beans/sweedish berries and M&M's. At noon, I have a conversation with my mom about how the yogurt covered almonds must actually be good for you because they are 1. almonds and 2. yogurt... Where's the problem? She points out the disgusting amount of sugar that is added, which I chose to ignore.

I leave home to go have happy hour :) with my grandparents. There are no sweets out, and noticing this I relax into my caesar. Yet, as I'm leaving, my Grandmother pops into her room and comes back carrying a box of my absolute favourite Guylian chocolates. You know, the creamy, shell-shaped chocolates that have a hint of hazelnut and melt in your mouth. I have the box open before I reach the car. This is dessert, I sternly tell myself.

Then, after dinner, as I dive, yet again, into my now half-eaten box of decadent shells, Mom brings out "the last of the wedding cake" and "if it doesn't get eaten tonight, it's getting tossed". That, in my family, is blasphemy. Throw out a dessert? Unthinkable. Dutifully I roll up my sleeves and grab a fork.
It it now 4 hours later and I am still full. But I'm practicing restraint and have walked past the candy station without my ritual before-bed sweet treat. Woo-hoo.

The Count Down Begins

I've decided that my Month Without Candy experiment will start on Saturday, Aug. 7th, 2010. It's the first full day I'm home from my parents' house so when I go grocery shopping to re-stock my fridge, there will be no chance of me including nutella, jelly beans and (what do I miss from the States?) Laffy Taffy... Ew. Laffy Taffy! I know in my rational mind that it's disgusting. The neon-rainbow colours alone should desiccate my salivary glands, but they don't. I love Laffy Taffy... The way it's sour at first, and makes my cheeks drool, so that I have to suck them in and swallow the first blast of flavour. Then a few chews to really sink my teeth in, only to teasingly stick the remaining taffy on the roof of my mouth, where it slowly dissolves into sugary bliss...
But I digress. I will NOT be buying this "junk food" when I get back to the US, for I will be bravely forging a new trail - A month without candy. Oh, also, if I start on this date, it means I'll be done before my birthday! (Just in case my habits don't actually change after this experiment).

I guess I should tell my husband that he is inadvertently in on this too. Unless he wants to do the grocery shopping.

Summer of Sweets

Why now? Why all of the sudden?

I'll give you some background insight. I am home for three weeks this summer. So far, it's been two. There has been the usual insurmountable pile of baked goods (thanks to my mom), which I always take upon myself to tackle. Then there was the new store that opened up down the street, a bakery - think macaroons, tarts, brownies, pies etc. My family alone, has given their business a jump start and as you can imagine, these goodies call my name, and taunt me in the middle of the night, daring me to stuff one more tantalizing treat into my belly.

All of this, of course, is part of the natural stomach-stretching that comes with "home". But this year, there was the proverbial cherry on top, The Wedding. My sister got married, at my parents gorgeous lakefront property. But why have one wedding cake, when you can have 5 different kinds of pies and cakes? And why not throw in a candy station to top it all off?

That's right. You heard me. A candy station. There were only 48 people at the wedding, but there were 6 humongous vases filled to the brim with wine gums, jelly bellies, yogurt covered almonds (more dangerous than their unassuming white-egg appearance may suggest), peanut M&M's, sweedish berries, and sour keys. There were 48 chinese takeout containers on the table at this deadly/heavenly candy-station and guests were encouraged to fill their buckets on the way home.

(Un)fortunately, there were enough left-overs from The Wedding to "feed an army" as my Grandmother would say. An army... or me. For the last few days the vases, now only half full with candy, have been sitting in the most well-trafficked area of the house, where, whenever I walk by, I grab a handful. Am I the only one doing this? It's impossible to stop. So, maybe my Month Without Candy will start only when I escape this candy land, or once I've eaten my way through.  Which ever comes first.

A Month Without Candy - Big Deal, Right?

Call it what you want - sweet tooth, sugar addict, dessertivore - I not only fit the mold, I made it.

At (almost) 28, I have sugar first thing in the morning, in my coffee. Followed closely with lots of nutella on toast. I have dessert with lunch and dinner and a "sweet treat" before bed. This constitutes a regular day, I'm ashamed to say. And while I am otherwise healthy (I exercise, am average weight, and I love veggies), I think it's safe to posit that at least 1/4 to 1/2 of my caloric intake is empty, sugary, calories.

So. Last night, full of Moose Tracks ice cream, I decided that it's time to try an experiment: 1 month, no sweets. Documenting it online will, undoubtedly, help me stick to it like sugar on a gum drop. No candy, no white sugar added to anything, nothing with chocolate, no maple syrup or honey. What do you think about jam? I'm considering it okay. I don't think I'll be reduced to ripping off checkered lids and chugging the sweet preserves just to get a sugar high...

However, I know I can't quit cold turkish delight. So I'm easing my way in, starting with just this - writing my intentions for the world to see. Maybe tomorrow I won't lick my nutella knife?